I sit

I watch the smiles around me
Laughter echoing through the air
I watch them make friendly
Confusion fills me, makes me feel strange
I see them walk and talk
It fills me with such disdain.
Broader my gaze grows
Heightened by my rage
I see more of them, two, four, and ten
I force myself, silent I remain
Watching all, wishing, praying they could see.
Not what I look nor now I appear
But how I feel, what I hear.
To be where I am, they eye of this storm
To see them all so gay
My heart does sit there misunderstood,
My mind still but far away
As I watch myself from a perspective third
Wondering when, or where they will see, welcome me.
Or if they even may.
One apart stands alone separate from me.
We speak a moment, smile and laugh but then it seems to end.
Was I too much, as I often seem to be? Or was I not enough, again the truth matching what I see in me.
Why cant they see
See more than I show
See into the real me
Or maybe they can, and that is reason why
I sit, alone.

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